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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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After that, I decide to grab lunch at this little café on De Wierde. I order a sandwich, and it takes forever. I’m sitting there, scrolling through my phone, and I see a meme about how slow service is. I’m like, “Wow, this is too real.” Finally, my food comes, and it’s amazing! Like, I could marry this sandwich.

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